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It’s Not Your Fault!

Weight Loss Posted on Sun, October 01, 2017 14:05:04

Firstly, no matter what you think
and who may have told you otherwise – being over-weight is not your fault! So
stop with the self-sabotage. Believe in your”self”!

We are a combination of
everything that has been in our environment since the time that we came out of
the womb. We are taught how to behave by
our parents. What we don’t understand at
the time is that they can only do what they know how to do eg what they have
been taught by their parents. So if for
example they are undemonstrative and unable to give us a hug, then that is
because they haven’t been taught how to do that. However, as young children we grow up
believing that there is something wrong with us and that we are unlovable in
some way. So we might look to learn
from our siblings, but what we pick up from them is their anxieties and
interpretations that they have put onto their interaction with our parents and
so on and so forth. Being good in order
to please our parents generally included being enticed in some way with sweets
or food – to be good, to behave, to be quiet, or even to go away and play! So we learn that food is associated with love
– albeit not in the way that we need to be loved.

Then we go to school and have to
abide by rules and regulations for fear of something … for me it was the cane!!!! I have “sit still”, “talk when spoken to”,
“don’t be stupid” (it wasn’t very politically correct in my day!) ringing in my
ears. Plus all of my sisters (4 girls – I was the youngest) and I went to the same school, so teachers rarely got
my name right – hence I had identity issues from a very early age. Even now I am very protective of the “e” at
the end of my name and always correct someone if it’s missed off – I take it
very personally!

Then there’s our peers … we
continually compare ourselves to others.
We try to please them and fit in or be accepted in some way. We believe what they say to us along with
everything we read in magazines or see on the TV of how we should look or
behave. In reality comparing ourselves to others actually robs us of our joy!

This judgement goes on throughout
our entire life. If we feel loved and
cared for then generally we become well balanced individuals. If we feel anything other than that, then we
begin to believe that we are unlovable.

As adults we have to start unraveling the guilt, shame, disappointment, unworthiness that may came wrapped up with the love that was bestowed upon us, because all of those negative attributes were about that person and not about us – we were only ever meant to receive the pure love that ran through all of those things.

What we see isn’t always the way it is!

Perspective Posted on Sun, October 01, 2017 13:50:28

This moved me deeply … how many times do we all do this?


(The Gift of Therapy … Irvin D. Yalom)

Decades ago I saw a patient with breast cancer, who had,
throughout adolescence, been locked in a long, bitter struggle with her
naysaying father. Yearning for some form
of reconciliation, for a new, fresh beginning to their relationship, she looked
forward to her father’s driving her to college – a time when she would be alone
with him for several hours. But the long-anticipated trip proved a disaster;
her father behaved true to form by grousing at length about the ugly,
garbage-littered creek by the side of the road.
She, on the other hand, saw no litter whatsoever in the beautiful,
rustic, unspoiled stream. She could find no way to respond and eventually,
lapsing into silence, they spent the remainder of the trip looking away from
each other.

Later, she made the same trip alone and was astounded to
note that there were two streams – one on each side of the road. “This time I was the driver” she said sadly
“and the stream I saw through my window on the driver’s side was just as ugly
and polluted as my father had described it”.
But by the time she had learned to look out of her father’s window, it
was too late.

It’s a fabulous book and I would recommend it to everyone. In fact it should be part of the school curriculum.

Live in the Here and Now

Anxiety Posted on Sun, October 01, 2017 10:18:46

This is a really simple technique that can help if you’re feeling stressed or anxious.

Always remember that when you’re feeling a negative emotion such as anger, resentment, guilt etc then what you are doing is bringing thoughts from the PAST into the PRESENT. Likewise, if you’re having feelings of stress, anxiety, worry etc then you are bringing thoughts from the FUTURE into the PRESENT.

LET GO of the PAST because it no longer serves you and TRUST that the future is always working out for you. LIVE IN THE NOW – the PRESENT. Feel how EASY it is to just “BE”!

Try it next time your feeling angry – I bet you’ve connected emotionally to a memory from the past! If you begin to feel worried then you’ve gone into “what if” mode and are getting stressed over something that hasn’t happened yet and may not ever!

Be kind to yourself smiley